But nonetheless, I feel hopeful. Unlike this time last year, when I was finishing my Master's project with absolutely no idea what I was doing next, this year, I have something coming up, and it's terrifying.
I was accepted to a PhD program at Dalhousie University, and I can't wait to study how rural areas in Atlantic Canada can stay resilient. The concept of getting a PhD is pretty daunting to me, and every time I say it to someone I feel as if maybe they are secretly thinking "Her? She got into a PhD program? If she can, anyone can." Yes, that's right-- I am feeling imposter syndrome already!
But right now, I feel like this is the next step that God is calling me to. I am excited about the way that this can combine my love of research, writing, teaching, and student ministry. I am excited about doing research in an area I am passionate about. I am optimistic that my research is important and will make a difference!
Next month, I am going to start as a research assistant on my supervisor's project about rural youth outmigration. If you know me even a teensy bit, I hope you know that this perfect for me. I know I am so so fortunate to be able to get paid to do something I am passionate about. God is good! Just another one of His gifts that I did nothing to deserve, but get anyway.
Despite being thankful for all the gifts in my life, I have to admit, sometimes I wonder if I could have done things differently. Friends are marrying and settling down, buying houses and having children. At this time, I don't have what could be called a stable life. It's unstable and dangerous and I don't have that much money in my bank account at all. I am 25 years old and I have never been in a serious romantic relationship. And honestly, sometimes that makes me look at my life and ask "Where I have I gone wrong?" But I know that in so many ways, my singleness has been a blessing and a gift from God. There are so many women in so many cultures around the world, in the past and today, who do not even have the option of remaining single into their 20s. And there are so many opportunities I have been afforded that I never would have had if I had been married: going to Kenya, for example, or even saying yes to this PhD program. Being responsible for only myself is a luxury, and I treasure that. I think we single people have a bad habit, sometimes, of wallowing, as if this state was anything less than a gift from God. But instead of wallowing, I wish to celebrate. I celebrate the freedom I have. I do want to get married someday; this is something I am happy to admit and also happy to wait for. For now, though, I am thoroughly enjoying, with gratitude, the extraordinary gift of the single life.
