Confessions of a Christian Spinster

It seems like every single twenty-something female Christian blogger has to write a post on singleness, so here goes, friends.
Back in the day, spinster was just a term used to refer to an unmarried woman. Until pretty recently it was used on documents like marriage licenses. My mind goes right to Mary Bennett from BBC's 1995 Pride and Prejudice.

Anyway, sometimes in my experiences in the church as a single woman, I feel like people see me as a spinster. This is a lot different than how I see myself. You may think I am being paranoid. But no, as any single lady in the church can tell you, we get a lot of prying comments ("Any men in your life?"), well-meaning comments ("My grandson is your age..."), and just plain weird comments ("When are you going to give your parents a grandchild?"). And I like to think I have accomplished a lot of neat stuff in my life so far, but I get the underlying impression that none of it is as readily celebrated as marriage and starting a family. I don't blame my church family for this. After all, many people have experienced marriage and starting a family. It is a normal part of the life course and most people can relate to it and celebrate that joy. But we celebrate what we value, so the message that sometimes sends is: we value traditional marriage more than almost everything else.

Great pair of spinsters- the Baldwin sisters from the Waltons

Now, I don't want to say I think marriage and having children is a bad thing. Quite the opposite! It is normal and beautiful and good. I have had Pinterest boards based on weddings and my future household for ages. My favourite genre of literature and movies is "romantic love enduring despite hardship" (See: Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Sense and Sensibility, Life is Beautiful). Romantic love is good for us, I think, but also we cannot ignore what Jesus says about the cost of being a disciple: "If you want to be my disciple, you must, by comparison, hate everyone else—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple." (Luke 14:26). 

This week in my house group we studied a part of the Sermon on the Mount. It was the part where Jesus was talking about fasting, and also the whole "you cannot serve both God and money" thing, and also the "do not be anxious" part. It's in Matthew 6, and I encourage you to look it up. One of the conclusions we came to was to hold loosely to the things we have, and to hold tightly to Jesus and our relationship with him. "Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness." And the Luke 14:26 piece shows that the things we have to hold loosely to go beyond just possessions, but also include relationships. 

I want to encourage my fellow Christians to hold loosely to the ideal of traditional marriage and family. Not everyone is going to follow that life course and that's OK. In this age and culture we live in, there are so many options and opportunities for young women that don't include marriage, or maybe include marriage later in life. That doesn't mean every unmarried woman is a spinster. And I will be honest, I do long for marriage and family someday. But I am seeking first the kingdom of God (and that command isn't only for single people, by the way). I don't put conditions on God like "I will follow you if you will give me the desires of my heart." I trust God. I trust that God is giving me life that is more than I could imagine, that has a better story than even my favourite fairy tale, because my story is all wrapped up in God's story. I trust that in "seeking first the kingdom of God" (something I am still learning how to do), I will receive even more joy than on the happiest wedding day. I trust that God does not want me to be just a wife and a mother, in the same way that God doesn't want anybody to just be a wife and a mother-- he wants us to be part of his incredible plan of healing and restoring the world.

So, to the church: don't dream such small dreams of your single people! Marriage and family is great- but God's Kingdom is greater. After all,
"Then, after doing all those things,
    I will pour out my Spirit upon all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy.
    Your old men will dream dreams,
    and your young men will see visions. 
 In those days I will pour out my Spirit
    even on servants—men and women alike."
  Joel 2:28-29

And to all my single ladies: 
If you wrap all your hopes up in landing a significant other, you're gonna be disappointed in the same way Beyonce was disappointed by Jay-Z. Just ask Becca K.  But if you wrap your hopes up in Jesus, you will never be disappointed. 

The post-university transition

It started like this.

I was in my late adolescence and early adulthood, learning how to be an adult in the world. I was in university, a time of hope when I truly believed that there were great things ahead in life, and that I was meant to be part of something bigger. And I connected with a group of people and we all believed the same thing: the ‘something bigger’ was the Kingdom of God, and we were already a part of it, and there, on our university campus, we were to go about bringing the Kingdom of God. We were a bunch of midterm-wearied kids, our first time away from home, our first time learning how to be in community away from our parents, gently led by caring mentors. We had no idea what we were doing but we knew we loved Jesus, we were filled with the Holy Spirit, and we thought of ourselves as missionaries to our campus. We took the verse that says “outdo each other in love” and I think we really tried to do that, in our bumbling, novice way. We sang worship to Jesus in our living rooms and downtown on a Saturday night and even in the forest. We studied the Bible voraciously and in detail. We had a number of potlucks as we tried any way to introduce our friends to Jesus. Meanwhile we got to know Jesus better. We started praying for healing. We sacrificed a lot of our time and money for others. And we saw God provide for us in some amazing ways. It was hard, though, and we got a lot of stuff wrong, and missed a lot of stuff, and sometimes it was so overwhelming that I cried. We threw parties when our friends decided to follow Jesus. 

It was a time of tremendous personal and spiritual growth. Then, I graduated. I left. Others left, too. We had to think about jobs and grad school and moving on with our lives. I was sure that wherever we went, God was going to use us. God was going to do big things through us, and we were going to change the world. 

But then, I found, it was a lot harder to have that sort of enthusiasm, passion, and vision in a different environment. I lived in a few different cities: elsewhere in Canada, in my hometown, in Kenya, and now, here in Halifax. And I found warm communities that looked and felt a lot different than my university community. 

These past few weeks I have been taking a course on missions, and we watched a video of a person talking about how spiritual revivals had started in the past through concerted, united prayer. And I recalled how I had been so passionate for that. I remembered being certain that Jesus was at work and that I was a part of it, and that together we were all part of it. I realized I was no longer so certain. I still love Jesus—in fact I feel like the more I think about Jesus, the more I love him—but I had lost the hope and the love for my city and my community. My expectations have been too low these past few years. And I still am grappling with questions about community: Should all Christian communities have the same sort of intensity as our university fellowship? What does a community hoping together look like OUTSIDE the context of a university?

Lately I have been yearning for those days again. I miss everything. I miss living within a fifteen-minute walk of all my best friends. I miss living room worship. I miss coffee dates with mentors. I am writing this because I know I can’t be the only one. I know the transition between the intensity of university community and moving beyond that is hard. I am still figuring it out. How have you navigated that transition?

East of Eden

Hi all,
I wrote a guest post on another blog about how I see God in my favourite novel, East of Eden.
So head on over to JUCUTHIN and read it here :)

And if you haven't read East of Eden, I hope you can add it to your list of books to read in 2018. It is so worth it!

my own very worn copy

The Tragedy of the Tragedy of Dumbing Down Christianity

Just adding this nice photo from St. John's because I like it

This blog post is a response to this article I read on Relevant Magazine's website. The author will be happy to know that around here, Christianity has not been 'dumbed down.' In fact, I am able to read his article and weigh its arguments for myself. I am able to critique and and disagree. There is hope, then, for our faith, when there are people who, instead of just blindly accepting what we are given, think about it and decide whether it is good and right or untrue or even almost true. Warning: There is so much sass in this post. So much (Side note: Pray for me. I really AM trying to tone down my sass/snark).

To give a quick summary of this article: the author begins by telling the story of an incident in a coffee shop during which a customer finds out a barista goes to a Christian university and starts wielding "Dawkins, Hitchens, and Nye" against the barista. The author uses this as an example of how the modern American church has broken from its apparent past of being "the place where believers came to learn deep theology and robust doctrine," and decries emotional music and constant reminders that God loves you. The author argues "After all, if you really loved God, wouldn’t you want to learn as much about Him as possible?" But you know what, you really have to read the article to know all the problems I have with it. Here are a few of them:

• The story of the barista, I believe, is an irrelevant one. I think we all agree that it is super rude and tacky to challenge a stranger's religious believes while they are in a role serving you at a shop. That does not mean our faith is somehow less. It just means we are unprepared for a situation that really should not have happened in the first place. Personally, my faith does not rest on my ability to defend Jesus against an attack from a socially-inept atheist stranger.
•  "I’m saddened that atheists are so passionate about what they believe that they will read stacks of books in order to define their beliefs, while we are happy to float along the surface with a 'Hillsong-deep theology' and call it good. And we wonder why people are leaving the Church in droves." Is this the tragedy of dumbing down Christianity? Is it that people don't read stacks of books to define our beliefs? Are we taking our lead from atheists now? Did I miss something? I am obviously being super sassy but really. I think it's a bit dramatic to call this a tragedy. Also, the claim that "people are leaving the Church in droves" needs a caveat, I think. The sentence ought to be "people are leaving the [American evangelical] church in droves." In other countries and other traditions, this is not necessarily the case, and in fact the opposite may be true. In any case, I disagree that the reason people are turning away from American evangelicalism is a lack of book-learning (Fun irony here: the very type of faith movements that this author decries are the ones that are growing the fastest all over the world).
• "We have replaced rich, robust theology in the Church with emotional music and constant reminders that 'God is love and loves you and He’s your personal Savior and loves your soul …' These words are great at bringing outsiders through the doors (because they’re true by and large) but poor at growing believers into mature witnesses with rich understanding of the deep things of God." (emphasis added by me). Because they're true "by and large"? "By and large" indicates that those words are not true on some level. OK at this point I am just annoyed with the author. Why did he have to add that qualification? And anyway, what are the "deep things of God"? Here's my article: The real tragedy of Christianity is theology bros who think they somehow have a deeper knowledge of God than the rest of us.
• "A church that offers only emotional, feel-good theology is going to lose the long-term wrestling match to a well-read and convincing atheist nearly every time." This is the main problem with this article. It bases the entire "tragedy of dumbing down Christianity" on the fact that some people can't win arguments with atheists. Which is, apparently, a tragedy. But to me, that's not a tragedy. To me (and can I call myself an intellectual? Is that sort of presumptuous? But I live my life in the realm of ideas and research  so you know what-- I am GOING to call myself an intellectual). Anyway, to me the beautiful thing about the Christian faith is that it is all a dumbing-down. I mean God left heaven to become a baby who probably had to learn how to like, not poop himself and stuff.
• This tragedy of the "dumbing down of Christianity" implies that there was a time when Christianity was not dumb. The whole article is basically this author being against the Pentecostal/Charismatic movement. He just assumes that because of the emotionalism of the movement, it is somehow theologically void. He longs for the time when the Church was " the place where believers came to learn deep theology and robust doctrine." He seems to see this as prior to 200 years ago. This nostalgia for church past fails to realize the drawbacks of what once was. The sweeping dismissal of the Second Great Awakening as simply bringing a populist Christian religion again fails to acknowledge the ways that the Second Great Awakening changed the Church and American society for the better. If a populist Christian religion means that now women and black people, instead of just white men, can lead churches, then I am OK with that. I am sure that the Pharisees were complaining about the 'dumbing-down of Judaism' when Jesus came on the scene. I doubt that Peter, the rock on which Jesus built his church, even knew how to read.
• When calling against the "dumbing-down of Christianity", the author also excludes those who are not able to learn- what about children who cannot read yet? Can't they know God? What about people with intellectual disabilities? What about Duane? What about Adam? 
• OK I have a couple other little problems: the author invokes Hosea 4:6 in a pretty out-of-context way. And also for recommendations on who to read to know more about God, he gives four books, one of which he wrote, and one of which is by John Piper, an author I have a lot of problems with. 

Some words from everybody's favourite Pentecostal, Jonathan Martin

We don't worship a doctrine or a creed. We worship a person, Jesus Christ. On one hand I agree with the author. Yes, it is wonderful to learn more about Jesus. It is exciting. It is special. The more I think about God, the more I love God. But to base your whole article on why you should learn more about God on the fear that we might lose arguments with people, well, that is still just shallow. I honestly would lose 1000 arguments if it meant I could know Jesus more. This is not about besting an atheist in some sort of debate. If there is any tragedy of dumbing down of Christianity, it is this: We pretend to be dumb so we don't have to listen to the Holy Spirit. It has nothing to do with how many books we read or whatever-- it has to do with how well we are listening to God's voice.

What is your reaction to the article and my response? What am I missing? Do you think there is a 'dumbing down' of Christianity? Is this a problem? Why or why not?

"for as I have read the Gospels over the years, the belief has grown in me that Christ did not come to found an organized religion but came instead to found an unorganized one. He seems to have come to carry religion out of the temples into the fields and sheep pastures, onto the roadsides and the banks of rivers, into the houses of sinners and publicans, into the town and the wilderness, toward the membership of all that is here. Well, you can read and see what you think." (Wendell Berry, Jayber Crow)

Summer 2017

Hi everyone! Just felt I wanted to update you on my life these past few months.I know that in a few weeks I will be very busy and there are a lot of things going on in my life. This summer has been a wonderful time of spending time with family and catching up with friends while I have the time.

In April I visited my dear former housemate from university and her husband. It was so nice to see them again. It was also great to discover a part of Nova Scotia I don't know much about, through the eyes of someone who loves it.

Cara checking out Point Prim lighthouse

 In May I went to my brother's university graduation. What a day of celebration! Of course the ceremony was followed by a meal at the best restaurant ever, a place that just is saturated with love. I could drink that iced tea for days.

Candice also graduated this year! Unfortunately I didn't see that one in person but I am so proud of both of them!

Also in May my friend Mark who is the person I am most proud to call a friend put on this show of his Lenten Carols and it was beautiful. Emma also added her stirring voice at times. So wonderful.

And what a perfect venue too!

 May also marked the first camping trip of the season, in which four girls put a canoe on top of a Toyota Yaris hatchback and went to the woods for a night. This particular group of girls are notorious for overpacking.

I assure you, Mary is in there somewhere..

Happiness is...

In June I took part in the Syria Friendship Walk, an event in Truro to help raise money to bring a refugee family to Canada. We have now reached our fundraising goal, but are still waiting- always waiting- for them to come. PLEASE pray. The wait is becoming unbearable for the family.

At the end of June I went to Stan Rogers Folk Festival in Canso, Nova Scotia, where I got to stand out in the rain, get very cold, hang out with some pretty great people, and ultimately, decide the discomfort of the cool and wet weather was totally worth it because of the MUSIC.

Discovering the music of William Prince was a real highlight of the festival.

 On our way home from there we stopped for a beautiful hike. This has been a lovely summer for adventures. Here are some more:

Post-Stanfest hike, near Antigonish

 Church canoe trip- a beautiful day on the Stewiacke River

Halifax Jazz Festival- I was fortunate enough to snag a spot volunteering at the sold out Anderson .Paak and the Free Nationals show. Even though I was kind of standing at the back doing my volunteer duties, this show was unreal. So. Good.

OK. So I was really far away. But still- I cannot think of enough superlatives for this super tight show

Catching up with an old friend and adventuring in PEI. This has been a great summer for catching up on friendships! I like to think Davita and I were brought closer by the sudden lightning storm that cut off power and internet to her family's house and caused major leaks. I may or may not have huddled with her family in her parents' bedroom at 2am.

Iconic

Then there was that semi-spontaneous trip to Fundy National Park and Fredericton to pick up Miss Alli. I guess we did not get the best sleep in the tent, which I think shows on our faces in this photo... but I absolutely loved this little opportunity to hang out with a couple of awesome girls.

 Another highlight of the summer was a whirlwind camping trip, featuring caving! We had been planning this trip for months so it was so nice that about 12 of us could coordinate our schedules and enjoy each other's company in nature. We also got to enjoy the company of about 50 ATVers who happened to descend on the campsite while we were packing up... oops.

On her way to the pee tree

We are excited to be in a cave

Something I loved about this summer is how many young adults have been around our church. I am very thankful for that. One of the things we did together was a hike at Taylor Head, a rugged spot on the Eastern Shore of Nova Scotia. Props to Ross and Anna who did the 8km with their toddlers. Parenting win!

Another adventure was traveling to Saskatchewan to see my former housemate Sarah get married! I had not seen her in two years so it was so special to be with her and Austin on their wedding day. Look at them both glow!

After my time in Regina I got to road trip with my aunt Liz and uncle Lui to their home in Calgary. But of course we had to stop in Dog River first! The show Corner Gas has been a family favourite since about 2005 and it was really cool to go to the place where it was filmed.

Of course, Onyx was on the trip too. Here's one way he found to relax in the car.

Liz and Lui were wonderful hosts and I got to see a lot of the sights of Alberta. One highlight was hiking in Banff, and even better, the hot springs that followed.

After many switchbacks, we made it to the top of Sulphur Mountain

I would also like to give a shout-out to ice cream for getting me through this summer. Whether it was from Village Ice Cream in Calgary (below), Masstown Market, or Molly's, I loved every bit of it.

This photo below is from a time a couple weeks ago when I got to hang out with these two. I just really really love them so here's a photo of us. We are all starting something new in our lives this fall: Tessa a new teaching job in Newfoundland, Candice a new position at Kingswood, and me the PhD. I am very thankful to have these ladies in my life and I just know that we are going to rock it, wherever we are. 

It was a wonderful summer, and I am so thankful for it. I think a good word for it would be 'carefree.' It is such a luxury to be carefree- I can't emphasize that enough. There are many in the world who will never have the opportunity to feel like that because of just the systematic oppression they face. Anyway, I think the carefree times are over for now, and I do mourn that.

Next week, I will be living in a new place, trying to create/be part of a new community, be adjusting to grad school and all the challenges that bring, working within the tight grad school budget, and dealing with my Mom's sickness. We recently found out that my mom's cancer, which was in remission, has returned just like overt white supremacy has returned to Canada. Which is to say: Nobody asked it to, and we don't want it here.

To be honest, I was having a bit of a pity party the other night, because I was really scared about my life. I thought about my transition to a new city and adjusting to a new community, and starting doctoral studies, and dealing with my Mom's health. I thought about the toll all these things would probably take on my mental health. Then I realized: I have done this before. When I moved to Waterloo, I was dealing with many of the same issues, and I was even at more of a disadvantage: I did not know anyone in the city, and I was a 15-hour drive away from my family. I am thankful to God because he was with me through that time. He provided me with friendships and a supportive church community. And I do believe that he healed my mom. So as I was feeling sorry for myself, I felt like God was showing me that everything in my life thus far has prepared me for this moment. He has equipped me to be able to deal with these challenges; he has given me faith so that I can be assured that He will provide everything I need, when I need it. And that faith is strong because I have the memories of how God has helped me in the past. He was with us then and he is with us now. And his love is just... incredible.

OK, So I am listening to this song right now as I am writing. And guys, this is God. This is the heart of God. When we were deep in Hayes Cave that day, in the eerie silence, the complete darkness, I was thinking of that very Bible verse "I could lay my head in sheol..." But God is there. Wherever we go- HE IS THERE. That is hella assuring. Especially cause I know God gets it. Jesus' friend Lazarus died, and he wept, because he understands grief. Jesus' family had to flee to Egypt. He knows what it is to be a refugee. And as I saw someone point out recently, Jesus is the only person in history who can relate to those who are dying. He can relate to even the worst troubles we have, and he comes out triumphant. I trust him.

Best places to study and work in Truro

This summer I was doing some research work, with my home base in Truro. I thought I would share some of the information I have accumulated over this time. Where do you like to go? Also please share your suggestions for places in Halifax.


MacRae Library- Dal Agricultural Campus

Located in Bible Hill on Dal's Agricultural Campus, the MacRae Library is open 8:30-4:30 each weekday during the summer, and during the university's fall and winter semesters has even better hours, which you can find here.
During the summer, which is the time I am hanging out in Truro, this place is as quiet as Doug Wheeler's Guggenheim exhibit. OK, maybe not that quiet. But pretty close. I have not really been to the library during midterm or exam season, so I can't say how quiet it is then. But on Monday afternoons in the summer semester it is a tranquil place. It is not exactly the most ambient space-- it lacks the decor of some of the other spots mentioned in this post-- but if you you just want to minimize distractions and get some work done, this is absolutely the place.
Depending on where you are in the library, food and drinks are permitted. There are three floors to choose from. You can go in the basement among the stacks, but your cell probably won't get any service. Also, basements tend to be depressing. The main floor, where you can find the information desk, has a lot going on even in the quietest times of year, and is not generally the most silent locale. The top floor has a lot of options for quiet or group study and it tends to be the place I go.
Note: If you want to get on the wifi here you have to have a Dal i.d. OR be enrolled at any other institution that has eduroam.
Another note: Last I checked, they are doing renovations on the top floor. 
Bonus of MacRae library: I have seen a deer outside on multiple occasions. I have such mixed feelings about deer. On one hand, they are CUTE, and we humans have systematically destroyed their habitat. On the other hand, they have this habit of jumping in front of cars and also eating the vegetables from our garden. Stupid deer.

NovelTea Bookstore Cafe

Opening in 2014, NovelTea has quickly become the best hangout spot in downtown Truro. When it opened, honestly, I was not sure it was going to last. As a longtime resident of Truro, I remembered the particular piece of real estate it occupied as one of those spots where new businesses are always trying to open and never succeeding. But it's three years in and NovelTea is still going! And it's expanded! And it's always getting better. Truro is a pretty small town and I have lived here for much of my life, so I am not exaggerating when I say that I see someone I know every time I go there. The community feel of NovelTea is one of the things I wish we could expand to the entire town of Truro.
Without a doubt, this is the most instagrammable of all the study spots. 
If you like studying with music, NovelTea is the place to go. Their background playlist is really chill and is part of the great atmosphere there. Of course, any time you study with music there is this paradox, because if you want to have the music in the background you are also hearing all the background noises: espresso machines, conversations that you are REALLY trying NOT to eavesdrop on but it just ends up happening. 
So although I love NovelTea so much, it is not the best place to get some quiet work done. There are hardly any outlets though and it can be a bit noisy so it is best for meetings.
But often, despite the fact that it is really not the best place for quiet work, I am lured there for that very thing by their delicious drink selection and mouthwatering brioche from Red Knot Bakery. I am ashamed to say how many stamp cards I have filled up at that place.

Aroma Maya

If you can manage the transportation to get a bit father out of town, Aroma Maya is a pleasant place to do a little work.
When I first drove in, I felt a bit uncomfortable. Aroma Maya is on the grounds of RiverRun Golf Course.  I can't think of a time I have been to a golf course before. To me, golf courses are for rich old men. I am not a rich old man. But it turns out golf courses are beautiful! I kind of want to take up golf now just for an excuse to be outdoors and enjoy the views. Which maybe is why so many people like golf. Who knows.
The views... oh, the views. Aroma definitely wins for ambience. Green rolling hills-- is there anything better? A butterfly flew by the window while I was writing- a butterfly! This is the perfect place to study on a beautiful day. Of course, the paradox is that all the people will be out golfing on a beautiful day and the cafe may be busier. Oh well, it is still worth the drive out of town.
Also, I tend to like Aroma Maya because it is run by people who went to Acadia with me. In case you needed any reminders of how small a town Truro is-- you will always find people you know, wherever you go.
Another thing I like about Aroma Maya: so many outlets! I love NovelTea but it is sorely lacking in the outlet department, which is tough when you doing the majority of your work from a laptop.
The cons of Aroma Maya is it has a bit more limited hours than some places: normally just 10-5pm. It's new, though, so maybe once it gets going more their hours can expand.

Public Library

Back when this library was a brutalist, concrete building, it became a second home to me. It was a place of discovery, a place where I am pretty sure I read every book in the children's and youth section, opening up new worlds to me. It was also where I had my first job in high school, and I spent the afternoons putting books back on their shelves. I learned how to use the microfilm machine while working on school projects; I recognized the 'regulars' by name. And despite the fact that the building itself was unwelcoming, cramped, and ugly, to me it was warm, familiar, and a place that was a gateway to knowledge and learning. I loved that old library.
The new library, which opened last fall in the old Normal College building, has all the features that I loved about the old library, but it smells much nicer and has added loads of new and beautiful elements. It is a much more pleasant place to study than the old place, with free wifi (spotty at time I find though- would like to hear other's experiences), and bright, open spaces. There are plenty of outlets, and even USB outlets.
The hours are also fairly good: in the summer" 10-4 on Monday, 10-8 on Tuesday through Thursday, 10-5 on Friday and Saturdays, but unfortunately closed on Sunday.
The aesthetics of this place are just stunning.
Cons: The climate inside can be a bit cool and dry during the summer, which can sometimes be a bit TOO cold for me! Also, the wifi has not always worked for me, which can be frustrating as a lot of work may require the internet.

Home
And sometimes, home is a good place to work, too. You can play music as loud as you please (if music while working is your thing), and make as many cups of tea as you like. The computer automatically connects to the wifi, and you can work in your pajamas.