Helpless

 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
    all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord
    forever.
-Psalm 23:6

Psalm 23 is often read at funerals, which is great, because it talks about the God who comforts us even when we walk through the darkest valleys. But the fact that it is known as a funeral Psalm is also not great because we can miss so much when we only think about it in that one context. But maybe this Psalm is more about life than it is about death.

For me and my family, these past few months have been a time of radical dependency on God. One Friday night, my mother fell while we were swimming. This resulted in the unexpected discovery that she may have multiple myeloma or another form of--this word nobody ever wants to hear--cancer. After over a month of tests and waiting, the diagnosis finally came. That word that nobody wants to hear.

Meanwhile, my youngest sister is heading to university for the very first time, my brother is starting a new job, and I am moving halfway across the country.

The weekend after my mom first broke her collarbone happened to be a massive storm in Nova Scotia. At camp, we huddled in the lodge, helpless as trees toppled all over camp.
Helpless is a good word to describe how I feel. I was helpless to stop the raging wind and waves during the hurricane, and I am helpless to stop the storms that that assault my life.

You know who else are helpless?

Sheep.

The Lord is my shepherd;
    I have all that I need.
-Psalm 23:1

Recognizing my own helplessness makes it easier to relinquish control to God. I can relinquish control to God because I know he is good. He is healer. He follows me with goodness and mercy all the days of my life. He is with us, even when we walk through the darkest valley. 

Going through cancer treatments is a dark valley. But God is with us.
Not being together as a family is a dark valley. But God is with each of us. 
Saying "see you later" to the people in the Maritimes I love dearly is a dark valley. But God is with me. 

Every moment is a choice. Will I choose to hang on to the myth that I have everything under control, or will I surrender to my Shepherd? Oh yes, this Psalm is about life. And it is about the best kind of life: eternal life with God, eternity beginning now. I can feel helpless against the storms that assail. But let us not forget. Our God is known for calming storms.

and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
    my whole life long

-Psalm 23:6