Introverted Life

So I was here in the kitchen, just puttering around by myself, cooking supper and listening to my ipod on shuffle, and I realized how content I am in this moment in time.
I had another moment like that recently, a moment when I am just living my life and I check myself and without noticing I have become completely content. The last time was when I was sitting in front of the fireplace on a visit home this past weekend, reading a delightful novel and drinking some tea.
I have these moments, it seems, when I am alone.

I am most content when I am alone. Not lonely, but alone. I suppose that makes me an introvert. I happily would put on that label. It's not that I don't love people. I also love moments when I am with people.

There are always sayings like "You'll never look back fondly on a night you stayed in and went to bed early."
For a while, I believed this, and I did not take very much time for myself. This was a bad idea.

Here are some facts about introverts that all you non-introverts may want to know:

• We (well, at least me) take a long time to make friends. If you met us eight months ago and you are just starting to get to know us, it's not because we don't like you. We most likely do like you. This is a reasonable timeline for us
• If you think it is an awkward silence, we may not think it is an awkward silence. We're OK with some breaks in the conversation

• A night in, reading or watching a movie on our couch is more attractive to us than, for example, a party where we only know a couple of people

• We do love you! It just makes us tired to spend a long long time with you :) That's just how we are, and it has nothing to do with you :)

Thank you for reading these introvert facts. Life is better when we understand one another!

Responding to disrespect

It's easy to sense disrespect. In my life, when people give me unsolicited advice, I see that as a sign of disrespect. I also feel disrespected when people respond to me with sarcasm, or when they use a condescending tone of voice.
When I feel disrespected, I feel angry. I feel hatred. A lot of times I don't know how to respond and just let bitterness grow in my heart. Sometimes I respond with a sharp word or a flat-out "that's rude." But I am learning not to.
I am learning to say "NO!" to the hatred and bitterness in my heart and to embrace forgiveness.
This is the hardest lesson I am learning lately. I have realized that God does not just love people who respect Him-- his love extends to everyone. How am I, as a Christian, any different from the world if I only love people I like?
This summer, before I went to BC, I was home for about a month and I was unemployed. So I got a lot of babysitting gigs with my hurricane of a four-year old neighbour. At first, I dreaded spending time with this boy, because-imagine this-I found it boring to entertain him! I am not one of those people who kids are naturally attracted to, and entertaining a four-year old boy for hours at a time is something that makes me exhausted. So I prayed about it, and I realized I was given an incredible opportunity to invest love into this small child's life! God just filled me with such a love for him and after that, I looked forward to spending time with him. And he enjoyed spending time with me, somehow! This just made me realize that when we feel like we have no more energy left to love people, God somehow gives us more.
So that is what I am praying for these days- just that God will give me a superhuman ability to love those around me, despite how I currently feel about them. For that is the only way to confront disrespect, and to confront the bitterness in my own heart: with God's love!

Maple leaves the colour of sunsets and other reasons I love fall in Nova Scotia

I am writing this post while eating an apple (which is more difficult than it sounds; my fingers are so sticky!), taking a break from working on my thesis.
I was going down the hill this morning, hair still wet from the shower, woolen socks and Birkenstocks on my feet, and I passed a maple tree in someone's front yard with leaves strewn all over. The leaves were brilliant colours of red, yellow and orange, and some were transitioning between all three. The air was crisp and cool and the sun was sharp.  And all  of the sudden I was aware of the leaves, in all their brilliance. I walk past this tree every single day on my way to and from campus. But today I was aware of it, aware of the uniqueness of each of the leaves and their sacredness. What an extravagant blessing.

I am blessed. With maple leaves the colour of sunsets. And then the sunsets themselves, the kind of sunsets that make me think, "God, you really outdid yourself tonight." I am blessed with this apple I am eating right now. I am blessed with Saturdays spent in the library and Wednesdays spent in coffee shops studying hard, writing papers, preparing for presentations. Because I have been given the opportunity to learn. I am blessed with the sound of a country song as I clean the house on a Sunday afternoon... and of a quarter-moon rising and falling as we play ultimate frisbee under the lights of the football field.

I am overflowing with gratitude for these blessings, and there are many more to add to that.
But most of all the maple leaves the colour of sunsets.

Acadia Anti-Slavery Week in Photos

It began with an interactive station in the SUB. On Tuesday there was a prayer day, and on Wednesday there was a letter-writing station

On Thursday there was a coffeehouse

There were some great performances, and $95 was raised for the A21 Campaign

On Friday we wore high heels and walked around town with these signs.

Thank you Kara for organizing this week!

Yo extraño Guatemala

It made me miss this town

Tonight I went to a missions night at my church, which included, among other things, a presentation from some people who went to Guatemala this year with the same group I went with last year. The whole thing just made me miss that place.

It made me miss the landscape

And this mountain

And this child

And these chickens

And this village

I am a failure

I would just like to point out that I am a failure.
I was thinking about that today and I think it is SUCH a liberating thing to realize. A Jehovah's Witness came to my door today as I was home alone, wearing my sweatpants, eating reheated soup for lunch. He spent about thirty minutes at my door, as he tried to convince of his point of view, pointing out passages in a worn Bible. He seemed to have all the answers, answers to questions like what precisely happens to everyone after they die, and what will happen at the end of the world. His thumb had a band-aid on it. I listened politely to his arguments, but it made me uncomfortable that he had all the answers. It made me uncomfortable, the distinction he drew between "righteous" people and "unrighteous" people. Because I think, in some way, we are all unrighteous. And I think that none of us have all the answers. I think, to be honest, that we are all failures in some way. This week I feel like more of a failure than usual, but I think I am going to celebrate that.
We are all failures. We all fail to meet God's perfect standards.
But somehow, He loves us anyway. He blesses us anyway, extravagantly so.

I have been listening to this song lately and reflecting on the message I hear in it. "The Kingdom of our God carries on." The church has been around for over 2000 years. It started with 12 rag-tag disciples, fisherman and tax collectors from the Middle East, led by, as Frederick Buechner called Jesus, a "holy hick." A carpenter from Nazareth. And somehow, millions of people still believe in this holy hick. The church, and Christians, have made so many mistakes over the years. The Crusades. The Inquisition. Residential school abuse. Conflict in Northern Ireland. I don't know much about history, but I do know the Church has done wrong. It's like St Augustine said: "The Church is a whore, but She is my mother."
The Church is a failure, but somehow God's Kingdom carries on.
I am a failure, but somehow God's Kingdom carries on. Somehow he still can make beautiful things come out of my life.
For some reason, this makes me giggle. I think God is pretty funny, the way he turns things upside down. 

Why I don't get drunk

It's Acadia University, one of the biggest party schools in the nation. Or maybe it just seems that way. Last year during frosh week, a student died from complications resulting from alcohol poisoning. And still, people party like it never happened. Coming to university is a huge adjustment to anybody. As a first-year student entering this environment, I started to wonder why I believed the things I believed. Why, as a Christian, did I believe it was wrong to get drunk? Was that a valid thing to think, or is there really nothing wrong with it?
It has taken me a couple years to think about this, and here are some of my reasons:
1. There is something wrong with drunkenness. The Bible does condemn it, like in 1 Peter 4:3: "For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry." I like the way this one is phrased. As if we need to move on to other things. Higher things. And there are many other passages throughout the New Testament that decry such a lifestyle. But even without the Bible guiding me, I think I would have realized that there is something wrong with it. In my time here, a boy has died. Friends have been taken to the hospital. People have done so many things that they later regret; relationships have been ruined. All these things are wrong, and I don't want to be a part of them.
2. There are people in my life who have struggled with alcoholism.I think it is cruel to them to go and make the same mistakes they did. Out of respect for neighbours, fellow brothers and sisters, I do not drink. 
3. It hinders Christian ministry. How can I serve someone when I myself am incapacitated? How can I worship God exuberantly on Sunday morning when I have a hangover from Saturday night? And how can I show the world that God's Way is better, if I am just living in their way? 
4. I am too poor. This goes with the fact that drunkenness hinders Christian ministry. If my money is going towards alcohol, that means it's not going towards good things, like buying coffee for a friend, supporting a missionary, or going to retreats or conferences. In any case, I am broke, like any student, struggling to have enough money to pay rent and tuition. I am not willing to accept the extra stress of purchasing alcohol.
5. I have better things to do with my time. This sort of comes off snobby. It's not, because it's true, and I think it is true for everyone. I love to have a good time! I love to go to concerts, play ultimate frisbee, go on  epic bike rides, read amazing books, go on runs at sunrise, bake cookies, and have meals with people. Among other things. This world we live in is vibrant. Here is a quote from Frederick Buechner:

"Every morning you wake up to something that in all eternity never was before and never will be again. And the you that wakes up was never the same before and will never be the same again either."

I don't want to miss that.